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EPISODE 78:WHEN YOUR LGBTQIA+ LOVED ONE FACES NON-AFFIRMING FOLKS DURING THE HOLIDAYS
Transforming the Conversation
Hi, my name is Heather Hester. Welcome to Chrysalis Mama.
You have probably landed on this page because your child or a loved one (grandchild? niece? friend?) has recently come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or another sexual orientation or gender identity and you are looking for resources and tools. I know the joys and challenges of parenting an LGBTQ child.
Or, maybe you’re here because your company or organization is looking for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) speakers or consulting. I can help you with that!
Don’t panic. Take a deep breath. You are in the right place. I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt the shock, the joy, the terror, the growth, the unconditional love, the fierce mama bear response. It’s A LOT! And, it can be challenging to find support, guidance, resources, and education. That’s why I’m here.
Chrysalis Mama is the product of our family’s journey with depression, anxiety, and embracing our son, who, among many wonderful traits, is gay. It is my desire to pass on valuable information and offer support to those who are on a similar journey of loving and raising an LGBTQ+ child.
My mission is to transform the conversation around embracing, education, empowering, and loving LGBTQIA+ adolescents, teenagers, and young adults.
You may be asking – how do we change this conversation? I believe it starts within each one of us, blossoms within our families, and then grows within our communities and beyond. My principles are simple yet effective – To embrace, educate, empower, and love.
I am grateful for this opportunity to connect with parents, allies, advocates, and all who are, among all of their many wonderful traits, LGBTQ!
Nestled in this site you will find:
My award-winning podcast, Just Breathe: Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen
An in-depth blog
Resources, including a glossary and mental health support
Details on the keynote and workshop speaking opportunities I offer
Multiple other ways to connect and learn!
PODCAST
BLOG
Covering topics ranging from the LGBTQ+ coming out process to mental health to improving diversity, equity, and inclusion in corporate spaces - the Chrysalis Mama blog is a space to learn, grow, and become empowered.
What If Curiosity Changed Everything?
One year ago, Parenting with Pride made its way into the world.
It was born from my family’s journey, my own transformation, and the deep desire to offer guidance and grounding to other parents navigating unfamiliar terrain.
This Pride Month, I’m reflecting on five of the most powerful lessons I’ve learned since the book’s release. These reflections come from the intersections of parenting, advocacy, visibility, and personal growth. They are not meant to be a blueprint. They are offerings. Starting points. Invitations to look inward, speak outward, and walk with intention.
Before we dive in, I want to take a moment to ground us in why Pride Month exists.
Pride is not just a celebration, it began as a protest.
In June 1969, queer and trans people (many of them people of color) stood up to ongoing police brutality in a series of events now known as the Stonewall Uprising. The first Pride march was held the following year to honor that resistance.
We celebrate Pride today to continue what they started: a demand for visibility, dignity, and safety. And we celebrate because, for so many, simply being seen is still an act of courage.
This week, I want to start with one of the most transformative tools I’ve come to trust: curiosity.
When my son first came out, I felt a tidal wave of emotion, love, fear, protectiveness, confusion, and everything in between. I wanted to get it right. I wanted to say the perfect thing. I wanted to understand, immediately.
What I’ve learned is that understanding is not a moment. It’s a practice.
What builds connection in those early moments (and continues to strengthen it) is the simple, brave act of choosing curiosity over judgment.
Curiosity says:
Tell me more.
I’m listening.
I may not understand yet, but I want to.
Your experience matters to me.
Judgment shuts down possibilities. Curiosity opens them.
When we lead with curiosity, we create space for our children and loved ones to be seen. We offer them safety in our presence. We teach them, through action, that their truth is not something to be managed, but something to be honored.
This Pride Month, I invite you to practice curiosity. Practice in your conversations, in your parenting, and in your advocacy.
Ask a question instead of jumping to a conclusion. Notice where you feel discomfort and get curious about that too. Curiosity is how we connect and it’s also how we grow.
And if this is new to you, or if you’ve been doing this work for years, you are welcome here.
This is the first in a five-part series. In the coming weeks, I’ll be sharing more lessons from the past year, on progress, language, unlearning, and the layered experience of visibility. Each week, you’ll receive a reflection paired with a new podcast episode and a simple way to take action or reflect further.
If you’re not yet subscribed to the newsletter, now is a great time to join. I’ll be sending these reflections every week in June, and I’d love to have you in this space.
And if you know someone who’s parenting through change, or who wants to be a stronger ally, please forward this to them.
Reflection Prompt:
Where in your life or relationships might curiosity make more space for connection?
Action You Can Take Right Now:
Practice asking “Tell me more” this week.
Notice when judgment sneaks in and pause.
Let love guide your response, even if you don’t fully understand yet.
Stay tuned for next week’s reflection: Allyship Isn’t a Checklist, It’s a Practice
And thank you, always, for being part of this journey.
Loving and raising an LGBTQ+ child is a very special journey that comes with very specific joys and challenges. It is vital - not to mention time, money, and potentially life saving - to work with someone who has traveled a similar path.
Here is why - in additional to the benefits of that person's life experience and the knowledge that comes along with it, you also get empathy, validation, and someone who can hold space for you.
Looking for a speaker or presenter on the topic of LGBTQ youth or allyship for your organization or event? You're in the right place!
I have intense life experience on the topic coupled with hundreds of hours consulting with professionals.
Audiences appreciate my raw and empathetic approach.
Parents and allies appreciate the relevant information and stories that provide them with education, tools, and strategies as well as the knowledge that they are not alone!
You are likely on this page because your child or a loved one has recently come out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, or another sexual orientation or gender identity and you are looking for resources and tools. I know the joys and challenges of parenting an LGBTQ child.
Or, maybe you’re here because your company or organization is looking for someone
to lead LGBTQ+ Allyship workshops or speaking events. I can help you with that!
Don’t panic. Take a deep breath. You are in the right place. I’ve been where you are. I’ve felt the shock, the joy, the terror, the growth, the unconditional love, the fierce mama bear response. It’s A LOT! And, it can be challenging to find support, guidance, resources, and education. That’s why I’m here.
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Looking for tips, tools, and strategies along with a little peace of mind? I invite you into the Chrysalis world!
I am grateful for all who have asked how they can help further this mission!
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